I haven't updated this in a little while and something very important to me happened that I felt was spot on to go in here.

The special dom who I sometimes mention here gave me an assignment and while I won't put the details in here until I know he is cool with that, I was pretty stoked to say the least. More than stoked really. It has brought up a surge of feelings within me though, some of which are new and some of which are a little scary. The new things involve chastity where its not simply a "I'm going to hold off jerking for a while to make the end result more powerful". My history of chastity is slim despite having wanted to do those things for a long time. A lot of that is I never understood other subs I knew who would buy their own chastity device and simply wear it "just because". It wasn't that they bought it, it was that they were wearing it simply to wear it. That takes a lot of it's magic away to me. It's like wearing a collar that you bought just to wear it. Sure, it can be fun and fashionable, but it doesn't have the meaning or power it does if someone else puts it on you.

I'm not afraid I will fail at the task. I have the will power to keep my paws off my junk and the like. My fear is that I will ask for too much, or request too much attention. It's something I need to work on. Part of it is because every power dynamic, even between the same people is different from time to time. I have friends who the Masters who hold their contracts/leashes want to know where they are and what they are doing at all times. Other subs I know have masters who only want them when they are horny. I think most people fall into the middle somewhere. I don't know where (if anywhere) this assignment or meeting in August will lead things. Maybe no where, maybe somewhere. Regardless, I am going to stay in the moment, do my best, and try to make him proud. I'd love for it to go to something longer term (not specifically the chastity, tho that has been fun too), more of the over all power dynamic.

Oh yeah, and it makes my already high 26 year old libido even higher, which is aces. ;)