I was watching "The Empire Strikes Back" and remembered when I saw the movie as a young boy and was enamored with Lord Vader's relationship to the Emperor. Him walking up in that leather outfit, kneeling down on that platform and saying "How may I serve you, my Master?" I always thought he was lucky, to have someone to defer to. In my own mind, someone to crouch at their feet, or to show up and serve in a way that pleases Him, or to be told what I have done is good...
This weekend I completed a task for a special Dominant in my life. I realized when I was texting him after emailing the results that I wanted to call him Master. I wanted to badly...and I also realized I had no right to, as I could not make that committment to him with my current life situations and my current life choices. That is not me giving away the responsibility, thats why I said situation AND choices.
I'm going to California soon for work. I wish I could visit the Sir I spoke of a minute ago instead, but this is important for my job. The good thing is I'll have a lot of alone time in my hotel room to reflect and relax. Part of me hopes he'll be around, so at the very least I can spend that weekend when I'm not in meetings acting as if I was His.
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