While many things in my life have changed recently, many remain eerily the same.

My special dom allowed me to wear his collar (a collar of consideration it is called) which made me very happy. We are both trying to figure out what it means in the context of our history and experiences, but needless to say I have to watch myself to not go "too far" as I typically do. See, I have this thing where I crave validation and attention from those closest to me. Particularly this dom, as getting a text from him quite literally can cheer a bad day up into a good one. The part where I go too far is that sometimes I seek his attention, or want to do something to show off for him that I think might make me look a touch crazy. Maybe thats not fair to myself, but I'm very much a guy who keeps his phone on him at all times. So I have a habit of texting often or sharing pics, which can make things weird at times. So I try to rein that stuff in.

I've always been an awkward guy. I'm less awkward in person and really want to ask him if I can visit, but I didn't meet the thing we agreed upon yet for me to visit...which makes me both sad and motivated. I Hope I can do it...I fear I can't. I think subs are always harder on ourselves than doms are on us.