My trip to visit Papa was fantastic beyond words. This also made leaving harder than when I left the first time. I remember the first time being plagued with fear…what did it mean, what was I doing, would he like me, would I be welcome back…those kind of things.
This time (as I've spoken about previously) those issues were not the same as this time. This time was more practical. Would my skin behave, would he have the same interest he had before, ect ect. I truly am my own worst enemy.
In my eyes, the almost 5 days I spent with Papa were magical. I had many new experiences…not to mention, as I'm writing this on the flight back to the West Coast, my nipples are almost raw, which is a nice feeling. There was fantastic sex (the best I've ever had to be sure), but also there was an overwhelming calm I had.
I once had a coworker as me if I was an anxious person. At first, my mind said "of course not, I'm a mellow guy" which is how most people who know me describe me. But its a facade. I'm not terribly mellow…in fact, ever since about the age of 16 or so I have functioned at a moderate level of anxiety that regularly spikes due to my environment. Sure, I know coping skills, but when you go back to the same environment they soon wear out. We are landing, will finish this post later.
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