Growing up, my parents had unclear and inconsistent expectations of me. My sibling could skate by with a C and got praise for passing, but I was criticized when I got an A-, or I got no response to my grades at all. So I pushed harder and harder and got straight A's, hoping that would do it, but it didn't. That's what I want I guess. I want expectations that are clear, consistent, and that I can follow. Maybe it's like that scene from the movie Shortbus, when Severin asks the main character about his time as a male sex worker.
Severin - "What's the most you ever made in one night?"
James - "389 bucks, with cab fare".
And she takes a polaroid of him and manipulates the photopaper...
He looks at it and begins to cry, saying that it was what he missed about being a sex worker. "I knew then what I was worth".
That's not to say that I think I'm worthless or anything like that. But it is an interesting quote in that I think some of us want to know what others think of us, what they expect from us, and what we are worth to them. Because left to our own devices, we wouldn't think we were worth 20 bucks half the time. Maybe it is that whole thing of wanting someone to be totally honest with you, so they can't come back later and manipulate your photo. I don't know.
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