Submission is a funny thing. For some, it is about the realization that one functions better in service to others. For some doms, that's a good thing. For other doms, it's about making the submissive "suffer" to prove their submission and loyalty. The line is a fine one. In discussions with other subs, I've heard the "I want ____, but asking for it implies that my dom SHOULD have given it to me, and it's not for me to say he SHOULD do anything for me. Thats willfulness on my part". I find myself feeling that way a lot.
Sure, there are things I want. Things even I feel I might need. But asking for them has always been hard for me my entire life. Maybe it is a feeling of "I don't deserve them", or maybe its not trusting my own wants and needs and deferring to someone else to tell me what I want and need. I don't know if that's good for a submissive really. In each of the books I've read, I come up with very different answers. To some masters, the slaves act of saying "I would like ____, or I need _____" implies that the master did not do something he should have, or does not know what is best. It is seen as terribly disrespectful. To others, communication is key (something I have been trained in, oddly enough). Out of a fear of being disrespectful, I often keep my wants and needs to myself...then suffer in silence when I feel unfulfilled....and then ultimately feel shame for feeling unfulfilled when I should be happy with what I get. It's a vicious cycle. I wonder if other subs feel the same, or if that is more of my own dysfunction...
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