This isn't related to kink or anything, more of my own issues. You can skip if you want.

When I was little I had very vivid dreams that I would remember for days after waking. These were often like deja vu instances, but I also had really bad dreams that would scare me. Despite my parents being strong evangelicals, they got me a dream catcher (our local high school team was an "Indian" and I think they read about dream catchers in some magazine). Normally that kind of thing would not be allowed in my home as "witchcraft" but they allowed it. The bad dreams stopped, and so did the good ones.

When I moved away to go to college, the dreams did not return. I blamed this on my skin concerns keeping me awake at night. It's hard to dream if you rarely dip into REM sleep. Then about 4 years ago, they came back with a vengeance. Terrible dreams, nightmares, and overall bad dreams that I feared were predictive of something (like dreaming your pal gets in a car accident, then a year later it happening just as you dreamed). These were the dreams of my child hood that seemed predictive. When I was a boy my grandmother told me we were part Indian way back on her side of the family (which turned out to be true, surprisingly). She said these dreams were a sign I was different. Interesting wisdom from someone who would later believe my homosexuality was sinful, but I digress.

Lately my dreams have been of my ex, but they haven't been nightmares in a Wes Craven sense. They have been of events that actually happened, or events that might have happened. These dreams are awoken from with a sense of dread. Other dreams are Wes Craven like where it feels like im not actually dreaming. I had my parents ship me that dream catcher, and I got one that was made by a local tribe here as well. This time, the dreams have not stopped. Last night I woke up, clinging to my pitbull with tear stains on my pillow.

I feel so absolutely broken.