I was hitting refresh on my email hoping for a response from the special Dom who I made another video for. I went to the gym though and realized he was probably in bed. Regardless, I anxiously await his response in the morning. I know this is willfulness and wanting a certain outcome, but I can't help it. After making the video (in which I did cum), later on I was hard again imagining him watching it, of how he'd reply...ect.
I laid on the couch and took a nap...and had a dream I lived in this apartment where I went around in gear most of the day and did all of my activities at home in gear. It was an oddly hot fantasy...though clearly not something "real". We all know 24/7 isn't really an option.
21 March 2011
20 March 2011
On slutty stories and whorish fantasy
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13 March 2011
A brief update
I was watching "The Empire Strikes Back" and remembered when I saw the movie as a young boy and was enamored with Lord Vader's relationship to the Emperor. Him walking up in that leather outfit, kneeling down on that platform and saying "How may I serve you, my Master?" I always thought he was lucky, to have someone to defer to. In my own mind, someone to crouch at their feet, or to show up and serve in a way that pleases Him, or to be told what I have done is good...
This weekend I completed a task for a special Dominant in my life. I realized when I was texting him after emailing the results that I wanted to call him Master. I wanted to badly...and I also realized I had no right to, as I could not make that committment to him with my current life situations and my current life choices. That is not me giving away the responsibility, thats why I said situation AND choices.
I'm going to California soon for work. I wish I could visit the Sir I spoke of a minute ago instead, but this is important for my job. The good thing is I'll have a lot of alone time in my hotel room to reflect and relax. Part of me hopes he'll be around, so at the very least I can spend that weekend when I'm not in meetings acting as if I was His.
This weekend I completed a task for a special Dominant in my life. I realized when I was texting him after emailing the results that I wanted to call him Master. I wanted to badly...and I also realized I had no right to, as I could not make that committment to him with my current life situations and my current life choices. That is not me giving away the responsibility, thats why I said situation AND choices.
I'm going to California soon for work. I wish I could visit the Sir I spoke of a minute ago instead, but this is important for my job. The good thing is I'll have a lot of alone time in my hotel room to reflect and relax. Part of me hopes he'll be around, so at the very least I can spend that weekend when I'm not in meetings acting as if I was His.
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