(I wrote this August 30th but it didn't post for some reason...)
Sir read my post and thought on the idea of a name for me. He came up with one that has a powerful meaning to him and to me as well. I really like it. I won't share the meaning here as it is a bit more personal, but the name is Bailey. I really love it. It fits, and hearing him say it was shiver inducing to say the least. '
I also booked a flight out to see him again in November. It'll be another five day trip. It's going to be a long two months leading up to the visit...
30 August 2011
21 August 2011
New beginnings
As I write this, I'm about to purge my LJ account. I started the blog in 2001 as a way to get my thoughts and feelings out there, but found myself censoring a lot either because I had friends there who wouldnt understand, or enough personal information about me to not be honest for fear of jobs or schools finding it. Today I move on (for more than one reason, not the least of which being LJ's crappy service and it's death in the realm of social blogging) and will make my posts here.
A fellow pup told me today that even tho I've gone by a nickname for a long time in the furry world, I needed a "puppy" name. I had never thought of this, as honestly, I always answered to boy, pup, puppy, bitch, or faggot as called lol. But my nicknames were not "puppy enough" according to this guy. I don't know if its true. But a part of me loves the idea of being named much in the same way you are given a name in the American Indian tradition. A name that fits who you are, and can change as you change. I might like that very much. Maybe if I find my balls I will ask my Dom what he thinks of such an idea :)
A fellow pup told me today that even tho I've gone by a nickname for a long time in the furry world, I needed a "puppy" name. I had never thought of this, as honestly, I always answered to boy, pup, puppy, bitch, or faggot as called lol. But my nicknames were not "puppy enough" according to this guy. I don't know if its true. But a part of me loves the idea of being named much in the same way you are given a name in the American Indian tradition. A name that fits who you are, and can change as you change. I might like that very much. Maybe if I find my balls I will ask my Dom what he thinks of such an idea :)
10 August 2011
Change and the future
I am writing this with a large glass of wine by my side and a lot of emotions in my heart.
This past week I was on the East Coast visiting my Papabear (previously referred to as the special Dom I spoke of). I've always thought of him as Papabear, but this weekend was one of new beginnings, continued friendships, and hopeful futures. In an attempt to not be sappy and to protect his identity (if he gives me permission, I will expand...but in the end the important thing is the role he plays in my life).
I flew out to the East Coast on a red eye flight from the West Coast. I landed in the morning and took the subway and a commuter rail to the station where he picked me up. The whole train ride from the airport had me nervous...nervous that I'd miss my stop, that when I got to the station it would be as if this was any other weekend for him, ect. All of it was unfounded to be honest. I wrote a significant portion on the flight out there as well as on the flight back, but those are for his eyes only.
The whole trip was wonderful. To be honest, to quote the alien from the movie "The Explorers" it was "the stuff that dreams are made of". What struck me the most from the trip is that it wasn't the sex that I have been thinking of since I got back. Sure, it's there (and was awesome) but it was the other service activities....making Papa's drink, keeping it filled, cleaning and trash type duties, keeping his friends drinks full...ect. He addressed me as boy or pup the whole time, it didnt matter who we were around. I wore his collar, it was wonderful. We reconnected in person which was wonderful and I realized there that I had relaxed to a degree I hadn't in ages.
Everything felt normal and right. I felt relaxed with him, and although I didnt sleep much, I havent felt a lack of stress like that for years. Leaving was hard. I didn't want to leave...I didn't want it to end. Going to sleep at night was hard because I didn't want the next day to come and the current one to end. The thing is...it wasn't like a vacation type thing. When one goes on vacation and you go to touristy things and do "special" things, you expect that it is different than normal life. But the joy of the trip was going to the "normal" haunts, going to the store, having the pals over that come over often to grill...that was what made it special. Because I realized...that life was possible. It wasn't a special thing like when one Honeymoons in Hawaii, it was real life, and it was wonderful.
I don't mean to gush, but he is a handsome bear. He's dominant and strong and has the biggest heart. I felt safe with him, I felt content. Most of all...I felt I was at home. Leaving home was the hardest thing I had to do...and coming back to the "walking on eggshells" life I'm living in my current situation made it all the more difficult. I miss him so much, but I'm hopeful to visit as soon as I can again.
This past week I was on the East Coast visiting my Papabear (previously referred to as the special Dom I spoke of). I've always thought of him as Papabear, but this weekend was one of new beginnings, continued friendships, and hopeful futures. In an attempt to not be sappy and to protect his identity (if he gives me permission, I will expand...but in the end the important thing is the role he plays in my life).
I flew out to the East Coast on a red eye flight from the West Coast. I landed in the morning and took the subway and a commuter rail to the station where he picked me up. The whole train ride from the airport had me nervous...nervous that I'd miss my stop, that when I got to the station it would be as if this was any other weekend for him, ect. All of it was unfounded to be honest. I wrote a significant portion on the flight out there as well as on the flight back, but those are for his eyes only.
The whole trip was wonderful. To be honest, to quote the alien from the movie "The Explorers" it was "the stuff that dreams are made of". What struck me the most from the trip is that it wasn't the sex that I have been thinking of since I got back. Sure, it's there (and was awesome) but it was the other service activities....making Papa's drink, keeping it filled, cleaning and trash type duties, keeping his friends drinks full...ect. He addressed me as boy or pup the whole time, it didnt matter who we were around. I wore his collar, it was wonderful. We reconnected in person which was wonderful and I realized there that I had relaxed to a degree I hadn't in ages.
Everything felt normal and right. I felt relaxed with him, and although I didnt sleep much, I havent felt a lack of stress like that for years. Leaving was hard. I didn't want to leave...I didn't want it to end. Going to sleep at night was hard because I didn't want the next day to come and the current one to end. The thing is...it wasn't like a vacation type thing. When one goes on vacation and you go to touristy things and do "special" things, you expect that it is different than normal life. But the joy of the trip was going to the "normal" haunts, going to the store, having the pals over that come over often to grill...that was what made it special. Because I realized...that life was possible. It wasn't a special thing like when one Honeymoons in Hawaii, it was real life, and it was wonderful.
I don't mean to gush, but he is a handsome bear. He's dominant and strong and has the biggest heart. I felt safe with him, I felt content. Most of all...I felt I was at home. Leaving home was the hardest thing I had to do...and coming back to the "walking on eggshells" life I'm living in my current situation made it all the more difficult. I miss him so much, but I'm hopeful to visit as soon as I can again.
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