I screwed up with Sir and I don't know how to remedy it. The circumstances are not important here, but the mistake I made was with my desire to be better and to not upset him, so it doubly hurt when I failed. I know I screwed up, but I'm terrified it angered him to the point of him thinking I'm too much to handle and that he's going to feel like I'm not worth dealing with.
I think disappointing your Dominant is probably the most painful thing I've ever felt, even moreso than him yelling at me. *hides* I hope he forgives me. I'd do anything for this to not be the thing that ends us. :(
27 July 2013
Moving soon.
As summer is upon us in full swing, I've been preparing for my move from the Pacific Northwest to the Midwest for a job.
This move is a big one for me. For the first time ever I'll be truly living on my own, no room mates or partners to speak of. While anxiety provoking to be sure, it's also kind of exciting. I'll have my own place to set up, decorate, and really live in as mine. I'm hoping the coming year will bring about a series of things for me, so I figured I would list them here as sort of a "things to keep in mind".
1. Finding myself (is that all? lol)
- I mean this more in a "who am I" when not constrained by the responsibilities to other people that I have had in my life. Without parents or room mates, I'll be able to do what I want, when I want, where I want, and how I want. I'm hoping to find who I am in all of that. Who the pup is when he isn't trying to be everything to everyone else around him. (Though I'll still have to work and be a respectable human being 9-5)
2. Figure out and live my spirituality.
-Similar to number 1, but the availability to have a altar out in the open, to do ceremony when and where I feel, and to be able to smudge or burn incense without room mates complaining that they dont like the smell, ect.
3. Dietary changes
- This is oddly one of the biggest. As there is a rather strict diet my doctor would prefer I live on, I aim to implement this fully after I move. Without having to eat what others cook or fight for the right to use the kitchen we share, it'll be totally on me if I cheat or don't follow my plan. Theoretically, this change could bring about HUGE changes for my body and health.
4. Explore and live my sexuality
-This is a little more complicated, but I'm hoping to get involved in the local Bear and Kink communities while I am there, at least for the social aspect of it. Health issues (physical) make my obvious social anxieties worse, so I'm hoping making more friends will help with some of that. If nothing else, from a solo position, being able to play solo or host if/when I want is a big plus.
This move is a big one for me. For the first time ever I'll be truly living on my own, no room mates or partners to speak of. While anxiety provoking to be sure, it's also kind of exciting. I'll have my own place to set up, decorate, and really live in as mine. I'm hoping the coming year will bring about a series of things for me, so I figured I would list them here as sort of a "things to keep in mind".
1. Finding myself (is that all? lol)
- I mean this more in a "who am I" when not constrained by the responsibilities to other people that I have had in my life. Without parents or room mates, I'll be able to do what I want, when I want, where I want, and how I want. I'm hoping to find who I am in all of that. Who the pup is when he isn't trying to be everything to everyone else around him. (Though I'll still have to work and be a respectable human being 9-5)
2. Figure out and live my spirituality.
-Similar to number 1, but the availability to have a altar out in the open, to do ceremony when and where I feel, and to be able to smudge or burn incense without room mates complaining that they dont like the smell, ect.
3. Dietary changes
- This is oddly one of the biggest. As there is a rather strict diet my doctor would prefer I live on, I aim to implement this fully after I move. Without having to eat what others cook or fight for the right to use the kitchen we share, it'll be totally on me if I cheat or don't follow my plan. Theoretically, this change could bring about HUGE changes for my body and health.
4. Explore and live my sexuality
-This is a little more complicated, but I'm hoping to get involved in the local Bear and Kink communities while I am there, at least for the social aspect of it. Health issues (physical) make my obvious social anxieties worse, so I'm hoping making more friends will help with some of that. If nothing else, from a solo position, being able to play solo or host if/when I want is a big plus.
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