This summer has been very stressful for me due to my school commitments, but something has become very noticeable to me.
I work with addictions a lot in my job. I see people who use/abuse chemicals and people who try something and become addicted so easily. I also then look in my own life and realize that my body has never worked "typically". My liver enzymes go DOWN when I drink (the opposite should be true), even when I smoked a cigar on occasion in my youth or the occasional cig, I never had the "urge" to smoke again. It never became an addiction. Pain medications never worked in my body, they didn't relieve pain OR make me high. Those sort of things. The only drug that ever "worked" for me was alcohol.
While I have not (thankfully) ever become addicted to alcohol or "needed it", I do enjoy alcohol a great deal. Which sometimes crosses over into sexual things. Alcohol loosens me up, it makes me feel less awkward. It allows me to feel comfortable with my urges and desires, and my need to affection and touch. I don't need it to open up or to have sex, but sometimes with the right people it influences the conversation, allows for more honesty, and was a way that I found myself allowing my mind to sink more into submission.
My relationship with alcohol began when I was 17 and visiting a friend's 4th of July party. He was much older (mid 20's) and I was dating a man in his 40s. The mid 20's pal gave me some malted beverage that was like...8%ABV. Nothing happened that weekend other than I found my face flushed a lot when a little alcohol (which went away when I got older). But I loved the feeling. I could not drink much in undergrad because I worked full time just to support myself through school. When I entered graduate school, that changed. I lived with people who had a lot of alcohol, who drank in moderation (or often), and did not tease me, or treat me like I was a bad person for liking alcohol. Previously in my life alcohol had been demonized by religious family or by people who believed becoming drunk was the same as being an alcoholic.
I've never had sex drunk (just never happened), but I've done a lot of solo searching drunk, and here is what I've found.
1. Serving another man alcohol is almost a religious experience for me in submission. To make a man's drink, or fetch him a drink is something I love. It's akin to lighting someones cigarette. It just makes me feel submissive.
2. Drinking alcohol off of another person's body is erotic to me. Them kissing me with a mouthful and pushing it into my mouth, drinking it as it's poured down their cock...that's aces.
3. I dig watersports, and boozing helps that happen as well as dilutes it to make it more palatable.
4. I'm a happy, playful puppy when im tipsy. I rarely get sad when drinking, and while I have drank to numb before, its not something I like.
I purchased something special for the dom im visiting in August. I think he'll like it. It's a special booze that I'm hoping he will let me mix up for him. We'll see.
