When my shrink asked me "Are you an anxious guy?" I responded "Yes, I am." This would not have been my answer if you asked me 5 or even 10 years ago, despite it being true then as well.
One of my turn ons in BDSM practice is spanking/whipping/pain play as well as humiliation scenes and daddy/boy power dynamics. I also have a trigger in that area too, which makes my mind sometimes an interesting place. But what I find most interesting is I know in my head, almost like an instinct when something is a scene versus it being real. I watch videos of people who have been horribly abused as I have, and I'm triggered and get anxious. I see people fight and almost come to blows in arguments and I get triggered....and yet, nothing makes me more aroused then a humiliation scene where I'm being degraded or having pain inflicted upon me, and I'm in no way anxious in those moments.
It's wonderful, scary and curious all at the same time. More to come later though, I have a lot of reading to do before bed.
