A. The development of emotional or behavioral symptoms in response to an identifiable stressor(s) occurring within 3 months of the onset of the stressor(s).
B. These symptoms or behaviors are clinically significant as evidenced by either of the following:
(1) marked distress that is in excess of what would be expected from exposure to the stressor
(2) significant impairment in social or occupational (academic) functioning
(2) significant impairment in social or occupational (academic) functioning
C. The stress-related disturbance does not meet the criteria for another specific Axis I disorder and is not merely an exacerbation of a preexisting Axis Ior Axis II disorder.
D. The symptoms do not represent Bereavement.
E. Once the stressor (or its consequences) has terminated, the symptoms do not persist for more than an additional 6 months.
Basically put, difficulty with change typically represents the onset of adjustment disorders. We all have problems with change, it is only when it causes us significant distress that it becomes a problem. Today was a bad day for me. As my old therapist once said "Look, you tell me your wants and needs so clearly and without needing alcohol, we need to get you to a place you can do that with others". And I'm not there. Most of my day was spent alone. My roommate was having an issue all his own, our landlord is upping our rent (making it likely we will just have to move), and I realized that my miserable feelings weren't just related to these incidents...I exist in this state of (a) hoping things will improve, (b) fearing they won't. And a lot of these are because my wants and needs are not being met, but I'm afraid to ask for them because I worry if I ask for too much, I will lose what I have. It is a vicious cycle.
What makes a happy puppy?
1) semi-regular physical affection. Sex is groovy, but even a strong hug, a snuggle from a friend, or someone rubbing my neck and saying "Hang in there" can be huge for me. I realized that short of me touching my room mates when I speak to them (which they clearly don't like), the only physical touch I get is from doctors with nitrile gloves on.
2) In the absence of actual sex, cyber sex or even talking about sexual activities can help bridge this gap. This is one most people don't get. I think that for people who can get sex regularly or who have less issues about sex than I do, this doesn't make sense to them. They would prefer to wait and get it in person, or feel like cybering or talking about it is immature and juvenile. For me, it's a symbol that someone is sexually into me. I mean I very rarely have an orgasm without chatting with someone who turns me on (during it) or doing it thinking about said person. To be denied that or told "Well you'll eventually get it in real life" is painful and also frustrating. I sometimes wonder how pathetic I look to others wanting and needing that sort of contact.
3) Some resemblance of stability. I don't need a lot of money, a nice house or even a nice car. I just need to know that I have stable housing, stable income (ie, employment), and the knowing I won't come home to a fight, passive agressive behavior, or have to walk on egg shells. Unfortunately I feel like I'm always on egg shells. I check in with folks to see how 'we' are doing. If people are upset, I check in with them to see how they are, what's going on, if I can help, and if I may have unknowingly done something to cause this. Generally I haven't, but sometimes I have and I haven't been told about it for a long time until someone used it against me. So I'm cautious.
4) A power dynamic. This doesn't even mean in a formal relationship. That subby part of me needs to be scratched often, and in more depth/length than it usually is. I even log into IRC (yes, people still go on it) and chat with folks AS A DOM just so I can get more of a power dynamic/sex chat/roleplaying. I'm not a dom. It isn't something that fulfills or enriches me, but like that number two above, it's better than nothing. Subs are a dime a dozen it seems like in the gay community, and logging into the legion of other subs wanting a dom, I sit there for hours without anyone messaging me...so I put on the uniform of a Dominant and pretend so I'm at least engaged in a power dynamic. I feel hollow anymore when I do it, but at least I can give them what I want and vicariously/mentally "get off" on their submission. It sounds really lame as I re-read this.
5) Lastly, I'm a validation seeker. While this falls into most of the things above, it warranted it's own section because it's so key to my life. I know seeking outside validation is often not a good recipe, but I'm fucked up and broken, so it's what I do. I have a bad self image, fostered by abusive parents, friends, former lovers and a history of trauma in my past. I think people interpret it as needy (it is), but I see others get it so freely that I wonder what I'm doing wrong. I watch people post about things mundane and get tons of comments. I watch people post about how they had people hit them up for sex, or they have people after them because they find them attractive, and I sit there going "Well, what's wrong with me?"
My therapist once said that I existed as a last resort for most people in my life. I don't agree with that completely, but I do seem to often be the rebound or feel like I'm an addition to others lives. I believe his statement was "You are convenient for most people. You are nice, empathetic, and giving at your own expense". It's frustrating and one of the reasons I'm still in therapy...trying to figure out why I repeat these patterns. Anyway, this was a long rambling post but I needed to get a lot of it out of my head. Change is hard. Admitting you have issues with change is hard. I hope to find a middle ground between the adjustment disorder that is life and my own sense of calm and peace...which so far escapes through my fingers too often.
