I'd love to know what its like to be able to not have other people point out my skin issues to me, to ask offensive questions like if its contagious, sexually transmitted, or lupus. To be able to shower whenever I wanted without having to worry about the significant pain from the water hitting my skin...which leaves me hunched over, rocking in tears like an autistic child.
Today I crawled out of bed, blearly eyed because I could not sleep due to the pain. I knew a shower wasn't possible, so I sat down in a tub full of warm water and bit my lip until it subsided. Then I patted dry gently, took anti-inflammatories and pain killers and limped to work. I stand and sit like an old men on days like this. I walk with a limp and it hurts to do the most basic of human tasks. And when people ask you about your limp, you can't tell them that its your skin, and certainly not in the areas my skin are the worst. It's a quiet suffering.
Lastly, I'd love to be able to show my body off and make Sir proud with it. To not have to make excuses for why I cannot perform a specific activity due to my skin. Sometimes I wonder if my assignments come more infrequent now due to the last time one was requested of me I was unable due to my skin issues. Not out of a sense of malice on his part, but a sense of concern or fear of hurting me.
I gave myself another injection tonight and just sat on the floor, cradling my dog and fighting back tears. I wouldn't have to be perfect, I just don't want to feel and look like a leper.
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