This was going to be a post on Daddy/boy dynamics, but my heart isn't in it right now. I have the draft saved on my HD, so maybe I'll edit it tomorrow and post it in a few days.
I went to bed last night depressed and lonely. Honestly, it was a depression I hadn't felt in a long time and I still feel it today. I watch people I know post about crazy sex parties and leather events they go to and I feel a sort of worthlessness around all of it. Because I know if I was at that con, I'd be sitting alone in my hotel room, feeling too self-conscious about my body to actually go get the thing I really want.
My roommate doesn't understand it, but that is because people throw themselves at him sexually. I don't know what thats like to be honest. People who tell me its about quality, not quantity...are also people who get a lot more quantity than I do. I sat alone last night thinking about how the sexual prime of my 20's has been spent doing graduate school work and hating myself...which hasn't really changed and my 20s are almost over.
Sometimes I feel too pathetic for my own good. I'm going to crawl back in bed for the day.
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