Pre-therapy

I have therapy in the morning again, and to be honest I'm dreading it a bit.

Other than processing past traumas, reopening wounds of the past with different knives and eyes, this sums up pretty much my emotions as of late.

My expectations sabotage me.  But my therapist says there is a line between not expecting perfection and not allowing others to recreate the mistakes of the past.  My past mistakes are allowing men I'm dating/fucking/in love with to do things with others they won't/can't do with me...not fighting for my own rights in relationships, and allowing others to take advantage of me.  It's hard to combat that when you are a submissive and it feels like it goes against everything you know to say "I want and need this".

I'm back

It's been a long time since I posted, but so much has happened.

While all of it isn't appropriate to post here, I will say that it's been a rough few months.  From a personal standpoint, I've been struggling...and really trying to find ways to open myself up emotionally and sexually.

I'm also discovering there are things I want and need sexually that Sir isn't in to providing.  It isn't a judgement on him, it is just that being apart...there are things I need to feel sexual and sexually connected that I don't get.  I'm still trying to figure out how to get those needs met.  Anyway, I wanted to update this blog, and hopefully will be more diligent in updating.  I don't think folks actually read it, but it'd be good for me to do regardless.