I made a joke tonight about my inability to cook certain things that was very triggering and basically shut down the conversation I was having.  

I can't seem to do anything right.  I try to be honest and it bites me in the ass.  Sometimes I wonder if it'd be better for me to just walk around with a big fake smile plastered on, say everything is awesome and that I'm flawless.  Because in my field, in my training, that's not how we do things.  We talk about our flaws, we discuss with people how we feel, and conversations end mutually.  I'm sitting here confused, scared I fucked something really important to me up, and also not even sure how I could have prevented it.

And that is the worst feeling I know.