After talking with the special Dom I had mentioned, something he said stuck in my mind. He mentioned it was good to read to learn more about me, and learn about the books I'm reading. And when I reread my posts, I saw that it was more of me reviewing the books than actually posting about me, my submission...and trying to find myself. So I'll try to focus more on my own journal and use the texts to help explain, rather than reading like a book review I agree or disagree with.
On the way back from the gym the other evening, my friend was waxing poetically about his upcoming weekly trip to visit his master in Seattle. I remarked I was a bit jealous, and he did his typical "Nah" and tried to downplay all of the wonderful things he has and what goes on in his life. He really does have a pretty good position in life, makes good money, nice car, good relationship and popularity, blah blah...regardless, he said "Why don't you just come with me and get what you want?" During out chat, he laughed and mussed my hair and said "Aww...someone wants a contract doesn't he?" And I admitted I did, but that my relationship would not be open to that. We talked about this, but it brought into the forefront the section I was reading that day on Protocol and expectations in power dynamics.
The author mentioned things like always having his slave available via cell phone, and differentiating between orders, commands, and instructions. This intrigued me.
A request is "please bring me some coffee"
An order is "Be ready at 7pm, wearing this outfit, and make sure my boots are polished"
An instruction is "This is an instruction - You are to keep the interior of your car as if it just came off of the showroom floor. You will have it washed weekly prior to Noon on Saturday, and at no time will I enter your car if I see clutter in it"
This made me squirm in my seat. In my subby brain, its the stuff that dreams are made of. Having clear expectations that are consistant, reliable, that I will have clear punishments or corrections if I mess up...I want that so badly. To have memorized how to make Sir's favorite alcoholic beverage and have Sir say "Make me a drink pup" and expect it to be just so. My friend has a contract with his master that requires him to work out at the gym, not to eat certain things (like fried food) and to limit himself to a certain numbers of sodas, or to only drink certain hard liquor because it is the kind his master likes. This is the stuff that in many ways I want. To have to report in with what I did or didn't do.
I always wondered if I lived alone if I'd have someone I'd have to keep the place clean for, even if they never entered it. Sometimes when I clean the house here, I'll pretend someone has ordered me to do it just so, and I always do so much better...even though no one at home even notices when I mow the grass or clean the house. I wish they did. I want to be good. I really do.
(off topic) - Check out the BDSM/kink in this video by 30 Seconds to Mars. I love it.
http://thirtysecondstomars.thisisthehive.net/hurricane/explicit.html
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